If you talk to much my head will explode
Memories can be moving to our very souls. I had an extensive conversation last night with someone. Several memories were exchanged which brought back a rush of feelings I had long forgotten.
“I feel like everything I tell you guys goes in one ear and out the other.”
I am still struggling with trust. What even is trust, and what is worthy of trust? Can we trust our minds? What about our bodies? Can we even trust ourselves? I thought I had found trust in someone, but those aweful memories that have been like plagues cloud my thinking. They make me question trusting people and even myself. Do people really mean what they say when something slips out, out of anger? I am struggling to grasp this thought; I don’t ever think that question can be answered. Right now I am afraid to admit that no one is worthy of trust. I am so ashamed to say that no one is what they seem because deep down they will always have certain feelings about me. No matter what they tell me, they will always see me as just someone they care about.
After all…I’m only “a friend who is sometimes my camper.”
I want to be Sara’s friend, her real friend. I’m not a camper anymore. This summer when I’m a staffer with her I’m afraid she will still think of me as her camper, and still want to protect me. I am still young to her, too young to fend for myself. She told me I give her purpose but I don’t know what to believe.